Thursday, January 29, 2009

Lateness for Nothing

I get so upset easily it is irritating and nauseating at how mad I get. I go from zero to livid in .2 seconds. I absolutely dislike that about myself. I mean, I don’t get stupid and start hitting and kicking stuff, but I do yell. I am upset every morning because of lateness. However, my anger fades once I hit the gym. Then, the next day it all starts over again. Nothing changes. The reason for the lateness does not change. I mean, we know why we are late, but we are still late. Yeah, I’m that person in your office that is late all the time. Not purposely meaning to be late, but is always late. I wake up 10 min earlier the next day to prevent it, but something always happens and we are late again. It is damn frustrating! It makes me want to yell, “Get your shit together,” while looking at myself in the mirror. Ugh.

That one ‘friend’ I spoke of in my earlier entries. She is still around and she still is a sucky person. The last time I said I was going to drop her and move on, well, it didn’t happen. I continued to talk to her hoping she would not hurt me again, but I was wrong. She stood me up one day and never apologized. I called her, no answer, and no returned calls. I emailed her a few times, but no response. Then, about two weeks later, she sends me a text message and says, “Not ignoring you been sick. Throwing a bday party for (her husband) you guys are invited.” Umm… been sick? Not ignoring me? Are you a fucking moron? Yeah, you are. She had all the time in the world to get on MySpace and post pictures, fill out surveys, and do other things, but no phone call. I seriously think she has issues. I realized that this woman was not going to change. I dropped her that time for sure. I had enough of her. I politely replied and said, “No can’t go, but thank you.” Since then, I have not spoken to her. That happened back in November, so it has been a while. I am so happy to have her out of my life. She is still stupid and is still into her dumbness.

Moving on.

It seems as though that I am changing. I am not sure as to why or if it is a good thing or not. I am just not into the same things anymore. The things that I used to think were hilarious are not funny anymore. My priorities changed to improved things. I no longer hang out with the youngens anymore. I guess one could say that I am growing up. I suppose it is a good thing. People my age though would differ.

Okay, well I suppose that is all for today.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Great Nothings

I have been thinking a lot lately. Mostly at the fact that I desperately want to be selfish, but I cannot seem to be. I do not know why really, but it has been annoyingly eating at me. Why, you might ask. Well, because I do not usually get what I want; not without a good fight at least. There is an opportunity that has arisen. I have been contemplating whether it is the right choice for the future. I have two options: One is to move somewhere cold, snowy, lonely, and not certain of the downtime, but definite great possibilities. The second is move somewhere close to home, great opportunities, near friends and family, but missing someone due to a job. What to do? I am sure that everything will fall into place just the way it is supposed to be; but getting into that place is what is hard.

Okay, exercise and weight time. I have stopped losing weight. Not because I haven’t been going to the gym, but because it’s time for me to cut back on MORE food and start toning up. I know I have to cut back, I know I cannot be eating certain things, I know I need to up my game – it sucks! When is enough, enough? When am I going to be completely happy with my body? Never. I bet even models and trainers aren’t totally happy with their bodies. I guess I just have to start seeing myself in a different light, maybe a different mirror.

Well that is enough for today. It’s short and simple, but that is all I have time for right now.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

No Upside

So many things have happened since I last blogged. Where do I begin? Okay, so I am still going to the gym and I am still eating well. It has NOT been a smooth ride, but I am hanging in there. All I can say is that I am trying. I have lost a few pounds, which could have been more if I could just say, “No,” to the cake. I am back on track and I am sticking to it. Going to the gym has become a bore since a cute guy I had been inconspicuously eyeing has stopped going. Oh well, life goes on.

Another hard pill to swallow is that Jill and Saul got married. Oh that killed me. Okay, again, let me rewind a bit. This man has caused her so much pain and still wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with her. Then, he was going out for a job he wanted, didn’t get the job, came back home and surprised her with wanting to marry her then and there. She stupidly said yes and went ahead and married him. No one knew, no one was there, and the news broke out the next day. I was furious. I was just livid to the extreme. He is jobless, no goals, no money, and a full blown jackass. I honestly really do dislike him. As I mentioned before, she has a career, makes great money, has a home, and is financially set. Of course the dickhead is going to marry her! Who else is going to take care of his bills and him? He’s in his mid-30! I really do hope that they prove me wrong. All the red flags in the world were up on her end and she still did it. I wish them well and I will continue to pray for her.

What else? Life has just been striding along. I am trying to get into something better as career goes. I just can’t believe it’s 2009 already. I feel as if I just started getting used to writing 2008 down. Either the years are going by faster or it is getting shorter.

Okay, well I will update (hopefully a more chipper one) later. I will definitely be blogging more often now.