Thursday, February 12, 2009

...month for lovers

I feel so alone. I haven’t felt sexy in a long time. I have not laughed in two weeks. The last time I really felt loved was in October. How do you wake someone up from autopilot? How do you explain to someone that you haven’t felt happy in months?

It was not always like this. I used to laugh every day. I was confident and loving my life. I was in a relationship where I felt loved! I really did feel loved. He used to bring me flowers at random times, buy me small things for no reason, look at me in a way that made me feel sexy and wanted. Now, it is just… blah. Our daily lives go on as a repetitive cycle.

In reality, I feel like bringing it to his attention will change for a day. Eventually, it will all go back to its regular schedule. I don’t know exactly how things got this way. How we ended up living the lives of 80 yr old couples. I suppose life just gets busy and people adjust to the way things go. What will I win by expressing how I feel? I suppose there’s nothing to lose either.

O.k. I will let you know how things go.